From our marriage & parenting contributor, Mary Carver.
“Mom? What’s for lunch? Mom? MOM! Hey! MOMMMMMMMMMMM! What. Are. WE. Doing. FOR. Lunch?!”
Before she could ask – or say my name – One. More. Time, I said, carefully and through gritted teeth, “I can’t talk to you right now. I do not have anything nice to say.”
We were driving home after church, after a week full of fighting and talking back and directly disobeying every big and little thing. We were headed home (by way of Taco Bell), after a morning full of arguing and interrupting the grown-up talk and smarting off in front of the pastor.
Though my newborn has started sleeping for a few more hours in a row overnight, I still feel like a stiff wind could knock me over – or at least lull me into a nap – most days. So fighting against a strong-willed six-year-old had worn me down.
This mama needed a time-out!
Wouldn’t it be nice if, every time we feel overwhelmed, we could escape to a place like that beach up there? {You know, like maybe the week after spring break? Or on snow day #472?}
Unfortunately, a beach vacay isn’t really in the cards every time I feel like pulling out my hair.
Last summer I wrote about wanting to run away. Just for a bit, just long enough to refill my emotional tank so I could face whatever chaos or challenge waited for me at home. On that particular day, I had dropped off my daughter at the babysitter’s house and driven straight to a diner, where I sat – alone – eating pancakes and avoiding a small-but-maddening kitchen renovation at home.
But even that feels luxurious – and impossible – some days. Sometimes you can get away, but sometimes you’re stuck in the house or without extra money or a babysitter or a couple hours to spend on yourself. That doesn’t mean you can’t take a break.
When you need a timeout and want to run away, here are a few things – some more luxurious than others! – you might try:
- Light a candle. The one that smells so pretty and makes you breathe deeply and your shoulders relax, just a bit? Yep, put it way up high and out of reach of little hands if you must, but light that candle.
- Schedule a manicure. Or a pedicure. Or a haircut. And then go to the appointment. Turn off your phone if you can stand it and just enjoy being pampered. Even if I’m using a coupon to get my hair trimmed at a discount salon, those two minutes of having someone else wash my hair seem awfully close to that beach paradise I long for!
- Go to lunch. Call a friend – maybe one you haven’t seen in a while – and make plans for lunch. A little grown-up conversation can do wonders for the soul. (Or, if you’d rather, go eat that lunch on your own. Take a good book or your iPod, and enjoy the alone time!)
- Go to the bathroom. Yes, I said it. I’m not telling you what you need to do in there! But if you can escape the kids for five minutes, walk into the bathroom and shut the door. Yeah, all the way closed.
- Take a shower. What? You’re offended that I assume you didn’t already do this? Well, fine, you are a better woman than me! Seriously, I know that mom showers often get shorter and less regular during some phases of life. These days – living with a newborn – I feel good if I manage one every other day. But when I finally do step under the hot water, even if it only lasts for four minutes and 27 seconds? It. Is. Wonderful.
- Take time for a quick workout. Or a chapter in that book you’ve been dying to read. Or the latest episode of your favorite show. And do it in the middle of the day. GASP! I know! Can you BELIEVE I said that? But seriously – despite our collective understanding that we should sleep when the baby sleeps and work our tails off when the toddlers nap, sometimes a mom just needs a break. Take yours.
- Go shopping. Swing into Target and peruse the dollar spot. Or the clearance racks. You don’t have to buy anything. Sometimes just wandering around and looking at the pretty, clean, new things is enough to clear my mind. Likewise, much as grocery shopping can be a chore, doing it alone? Can feel like a two-week vacation.
- Take the long way home. Sometimes after I drop off one daughter at school and the other at the babysitter, I don’t rush right home to begin working. Deadlines are pressing and emails are waiting for replies, but driving the long way home – while blaring something that is not children’s music – is what I need to decompress from a rough morning. On the flip side, I’ve been known to scoop up my daughter on non-work days, drive through Sonic for a cherry limeade during happy hour and sit in the kindergarten carpool line for an extra 15 minutes as my car-sleepy baby gives me a break.
What do YOU do when you need a timeout?
{Photo sources: johnmichaelmayer and miamism}
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