Archive for the ‘Minimize’ Category

Goodbye, Old Friend: Asking Jealousy to Leave

Tuesday, February 17th, 2015

Asking Jealousy to Leave

Editor’s Note- I wanted to bring this article back for our money management focus in our m challenge. This article truly illustrates my own struggle with jealousy and wanting to keep up with others. Yup, I’m human. I struggle too and I really struggled a lot after my husband lost his job in those lean and difficult years.  What I am learning though is that there is so much peace in knowing that we are finally going to be closing in on some major financial goals and that all of these sacrifices that we make and the planning we are doing is going to be oh-so-worth it.  Wherever you are right now, don’t give up. xo 

I pull into the parking lot and park my beat-up car between a Hummer & a Mercedes. I let out a sigh and turn behind me to find him sitting in the backseat between my two children. “You can leave now. You aren’t wanted here,” I say. He looks back at me, absently, dismissing my request with a blank smile.

We all head into the store and I push my cart through the aisles, walking by other people who have filled their carts to the brim. They are buying all the things that I want to put in my cart, but I stick to the basics and whisper, “Please leave!” as we head to the checkout aisle.

As we load up the car and pull into our house I think of all the unfinished projects, the longing for more space, the dreams for something newer and better…and he sits down to join me for my afternoon coffee.

“Don’t you have somewhere better to go? Why don’t you go to someone else’s house?”

He just offers me a green-eyed smile and hangs out in my kitchen for the rest of the day.

I hate him and I hate myself for having him over. He is the guest that will not leave and I am ashamed that we have this kind of relationship.

Yes, I am referring to jealousy and how it can take up occupancy in my heart. To say that these moments of discontent have not graced my life would be a lie. I feel the same urges to shop and the same urges to keep up just like everyone else. I can honestly say that the green-eyed monster has enjoyed more than one afternoon sitting at my kitchen table.

The question is how do you overcome your jealousy issues and lead a simple life? It is easy to tell people to not be jealous, but we live in a culture where bigger is better and there is a constant need to compete with our neighbors. While I am as guilty as the next person of feeling like this, I want to share some of the ways that I have found to ask the green-eyed monster to go and to help me work on finding that inner peace with what I have.

 

Caring for the Things in Your Life

When I think about adding possessions to my life, I have started thinking about what is going to be required of me to care for and maintain them. In the example of buying a bigger home, for example, I think of how much more space I would have to clean. Seeing as I have difficulty maintaining and keeping up with the things that we already have, I realize that adding a new house to our life would actually make things much more difficult for me financially and the added space would not be as rewarding as what I already possess.

When I feel the urge to shop, out of boredom or out of competition with others, I try to think of things that I already have and how I can take care of them. My house is an endless supply of odd jobs and cleaning or organizing projects. Making a list of these things, I can try to focus my energy towards these things instead of the negative energy that I am feeling when I am focusing on what I don’t have.

Likewise, organizing what you already have can shed light on your shopping habits and how much you have already bought. So many times our homes are brimming over with duplicate items simply from lack of organization.

I also find that when my house is tidy and organized, that I feel more satisfaction in what I have. The sense of order, in a house that is usually chaotic, can be a much more satisfying feeling then buying and trying to find a place for another bag of stuff.

Creating Traditions

Our children may also have trouble with jealousy and that is why we have tried to take the focus off of buying things for our kids and instead focus on the traditions that we can create for them as a family. Instead of loading them up with toys and the latest gadgets, we come up with ideas that we can do with our kids to show them how important family is.

We create traditions that do not cost a lot of money like having a pizza night, making crafts together, having a special date night with one parent, reading stories together, making special holiday traditions, and just being together as a family. The things I remember from my own childhood include the special traditions from my family and I have few memories about what they bought me. These are the kinds of things that I want my children to be focused upon and less on all of the toys that could fill their room.

choose- gratitude

Remember How Much You DO Have

Gratitude goes a long way in helping bring perspective to all you do have.  I have found the quickest way to gain perspective on all that I do have is to give my time and talent to others. There is nothing more gratifying than knowing that you have enough and you even have enough to share with others. Consider investing in a gratitude journal (I love this one from Money Saving Mom)  to begin documenting all that you already have in your life.  Beginning your morning with a new ritual of devotion and thankfulness is a great way to kick jealousy to the curb and start your day out on the right foot.

I also have many goals for myself and for what I am doing with my life, which take up a lot of my time. Instead of looking at what everyone else is buying, I am trying really hard to focus on building my business and creating goals for what I can be doing in the future. I find the work that I do to be rewarding and it helps me to stop thinking about possessions and to think more about being a success in what I do.

However you cope with jealousy, do not be afraid to ask him to leave. It is your home and your heart- not his. You are the only one who has the power to ask him to go and to fill that empty space with positive substitutes. Do your best to refocus your energy towards caring for what you own, creating traditions for your family, and learning to live a life full of gratitude and positive goals. Before you know it, you are going to be the envy of others around you!

Do you struggle with jealousy? How do you ask jealousy to leave your heart?

Reader Transformation: Cherie Lowe’s Money Makeover

Monday, February 16th, 2015

Cherie Lowe_Slaying Debt

Author of Slaying the Debt Dragon (our m challenge book for February) Cherie Lowe, together with her husband, Brian, paid off $127,482.30 in a little under four years! She wrote about the ups and downs of their debt-slaying journey on her popular website, www.QueenOfFree.net. Cherie so so inspirational – I loved reading about their journey towards slaying debt and am so excited to be sharing her expertise with you today. Be sure to snag her book for our discussion next week. In the meantime, here are some motivational words from Cherie! 

Hi my name is Cherie and my family paid off over $127K in debt in four years.

Wait. Let me start again.

Hi my name is Cherie and I’ve made some pretty ridiculous money mistakes.

I’ve purchased more than I could afford, wracked up debt, and simply not paid attention.

I’ve been angry with my husband over what we could and couldn’t spend, overindulged my kids, and believed the lie that just one more dinner out/cute outfit/gift for someone else really couldn’t hurt.

I’ve felt guilty, ashamed, overwhelmed, and stupid for my own decisions. And then I crawled into a place of hopelessness where I quietly tucked away the mistruth in my heart that we were the only ones.

No one else could have made this many mistakes.
No one else could feel this out of control.
No one else could have been that dumb with money.

Those emotions locked up my soul in a dungeon where I couldn’t find the key. Tightly gripping my heart, they paralyzed me from starting to find a way out.

Personal finance is personal. Money is emotional. You can have free budget printables. You can have a rock solid strategy and all of the best information to guide your journey. You can even have the wherewithal and guts to get out of debt. But from my experience it takes even more than that.

Unless you slay debt, it will never truly be gone. Here’s the difference. If you merely get out of debt then you can get back into debt again. But if you slay debt, it is vanquished, dead at your feet, never to come to be resurrected.

Want to know the good news I already know about you? You have what it takes to be successful with money and slay your debt dragon. You are smart enough. You are strong enough. And while it might not seem to be true right now, you have the resources to complete your epic battle.

My main purpose in writing Slaying the Debt Dragon: How One Family Conquered Their Money Monster and Found an Inspired Happily Ever After was to spread hope. I didn’t want anyone else to believe the lies I bought into. I didn’t want anyone else to feel alone. Instead, I wanted to remind fellow debt slayers of some of the things they already knew and provide practical tools to guide their journey. I wanted to share what I learned from our days of battle – the good, the bad, and the ugly – so that others could find victory from our mistakes, encouragement from our story. From what it looks like celebrate your child’s birthday when living on a tight budget to how to manage your meals more effectively, from the essentials of communicating well with your spouse about money to realistic budgeting methods, you can begin your very own financial happily ever after.

I love this paraphrase of a G.K. Chesterton quote:

Fairy tales are more than true: not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.

Your dragons can. be. beaten. There is a way out. Hope abounds. Step into your story. The greatest adventure is just about to begin.

Debt-is-your-enemy-not-the-budget.-2-300x300

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Kelly Whalen’s Down to Basics Money Series

Thursday, February 12th, 2015

K. Whalen Money Series

All through 2014, as our Money & Finance contributor Kelly Whalen, from The Centsible Life, walked us all through the basics of budgeting from start to finish so that we would be able to have a stronger grasp on managing our family’s personal finance. One of the best things we can do to save our family money is to begin to control our funds (and to not let them control us).  As part of our m challenge focus on money management, I thought this would be the perfect time to gather all of Kelly’s brilliant tips in one place! 

Kelly Whalen’s Down to Basics Money Series

Budgeting 101: 5 Easy Steps to a Budget that Works

Reducing Expenses: Put the ‘Personal’ In Your Finances

Money Savvy: How to Deal with the Unexpected

Earn More Money to Help Save More and Pay off Debt Faster

Evaluating the Cost of Home: Renting vs Buying

Cars, Trains, Bikes, and Feet: How to Get Around for Less

Can Debt be “Good” Debt?

5 Ways to Teach Kids Money Management

Do You Really Need That Degree? College Loans, Options, and Savings

Planning for your Second Life: The New Retirement

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m challenge: Wheat Belly Book Discussion

Thursday, January 29th, 2015

Wheat Belly by William Davis

I hope that you have been enjoying the m challenge this month and the information we showcased on health & wellness this month. Many apologies for the delay in our WHEAT BELLY discussion. Between having my home renovated and some family things going on, I got a little behind on our discussion. That said, I finished the book and really loved it.  Despite this topic being a little on the dry side for me, there was a lot of humour to keep me entertained while being educated on what wheat does to our systems. It was a good one to listen to on audiobook while I tackled my chores.

As you guys know I eat gluten-free almost 100% of the time, with a few indulgences around the holidays and the occasional, “JUST GIVE ME REAL PIZZA,” moments. For me, it has been transformative in so many ways. My stomach is finally quiet,  my skin is no longer as rashy, I have more energy, and even my hairdresser has remarked on how my hair doesn’t even feel the same.  Although I never had the colonoscopy to find out if I am celiac, it does run in my family, and I am aware that gluten does something to my body that isn’t good.  The change for me has been really transformative. I feel like me again.

WHEAT BELLY focuses on the quality of the wheat that we now consume and how removing wheat from your diet can help you to lose weight and live longer. The scientific research that supported this book as well as patient studies showcased not only the difference in the health of our body, but also how eating clean can help you mentally too.

Although every study and patient situation in this book seemed to have remarkable differences in their health without the gluten, I tend to not be an extremist when it comes to diet planning unless you have a health reason (like having celiac disease) that might not benefit from my, “all things in moderation,” planning.

The most interesting part for me about this book though were the studies on mental health, particularly the schizophrenia study, that showcased how much better patients did mentally with a wheat-free diet. I know that I have felt sluggish and out of sorts when I overload on carbs, but I never realized the benefits of wheat-free eating if you were suffering from a mental illness.

Dr. William Davis

On the Wheat Belly diet you eliminate all wheat, including bread, pasta, cereal, pretzels, doughnuts, etc. You may not eat anything made with wheat, barley, rye, spelt, or certain oats.

Unlike a gluten-free diet, Dr. William Davis cautions against simply replacing these items with “gluten-free” versions, which often contain cornstarch, rice starch, potato starch, or tapioca starch and will not aid in weight loss. The doctor says they trigger the same blood sugar response as gluten from wheat.

As someone who eats gluten-free, I have to agree that I don’t always feel great when I eat products that are gluten-free replacements. I try to eat these in moderation and make smart decisions. Unless it is gluten-free Girl Scout Cookies which happened to be my new discovery this year. If it is those, than I will do the best I can. *ahem*

Davis also suggests cutting out high-fructose corn syrup, sucrose, salt, sugary foods, rice, potatoes, soda, fruit juice, dried fruit, legumes, and more. You should also avoid trans fats, fried foods, and cured meats on this plan.

The diet outlines that you can eat:

Vegetables
Some fruit (namely berries, apples, oranges), but much less of “sugary fruit” (pineapple, papaya, mango, banana)
Unlimited raw nuts, plant-based oils such as olive, avocado, coconut, and cocoa butter
Grass-fed, humanely raised meat and eggs
Full-fat cheese
Ground flaxseed

You can also eat limited quantities of:

Full-fat, unsweetened cottage cheese, yogurt, milk, and butter
Soy in its fermented forms: tofu, tempeh, miso, and natto
Olives, avocados, pickled vegetables, and raw seeds
After you’ve transitioned off wheat, you may eat limited quantities of other whole grains, such as quinoa, millet, amaranth, and chia, as well as beans.

As far as alcohol goes, wheat-brewed beers are definitely off the list, but Davis does support red wine for its heart-healthy benefits. You can read more on the Wheat Belly blog.

Although I don’t eat like this for weight-loss,  I can honestly say that I eat like this almost all of the time for my health.  At first, the transition was hard. I felt like I was detoxing those first few weeks. Over time though, and as so many other diets support clean eating pop up, it has become easier and easier. Almost everyone I know eats like this now.  As a disclaimer, although I choose to eat like this for myself, my husband and family still eat as usual except for the meals we share together. Why? Because ain’t nobody got time for cooking one meal, let alone two meals.

I’m curious for those who read this one what you thought about it? Were there any big moments in this book that made you think or have you considered/done/are doing a diet like this? Feel free to chat in the comments below!

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